Whorella Mundane: Live From The Uncanny Valley
um
Monday, August 09, 2004
i feel dirty
nothing like trying to strike up a conversation on some hip writing medium to make my head go quiet ... no.
wait. i'm not trying to strike up a conversation. i just want to talk.
i guess i just realized ... how much i do not want to be read.
i love gordon downie anyway.
well ... i'm all creeped out ... i want to write but ... ew. i feel like ... so gross. so like a 'zine. so like a poetry slam. so like an episode of simplemindedness to make us feel like our thoughts are important.
well i've taken a lot of shit just for wanting to write the shit down. people get all like "what makes you think we care about what you think?" and then you have to go "what makes you think that i give a fuck what you think?" and beg them not to read my shit but they can't help it. but i kept it all somewhere that i knew most normal people would never find. and i just realized maybe more people can see it than i thought but to hell with it. this is what i think regardless of what anyone else wants or likes or agrees with and i'm not letting anyone take it away from me.
it is the freedom to think ... that is the only thing i need more than love. well ... sometimes when you're in love, the pressure people put on you ... suddenly just thinking something means you don't fit so neatly in the place they've carved for you in their imaginations and ... it's hard.
but i think in some way, i'm so basically nice, that i can speak freely and ... trust myself even though i'm pissed a lot of the time, too.
in the other places i write, i can't keep the canadians from reading my shit (oh it's a long story i mean 9 years long since i angered canada and MAKE MY DAY YEAH SHOOT ME WITH A DONUT YA DRUNKEN BASTARDS!! ... only kidding i love canada ... the trailer park boys ... i went to prince edward island and everyone was cool in nova scotia but what the fuck happens to people when they move to toronto? i don't know but it makes them dog people in vancouver i mean even the GD canadians can't get along.)
WHY AM I HERE? why did i do this? partially i guess i knew a lot of the stuff out here had to be so f'n boring you'd want to scream bloody blogger. and that my shit ... might "stand out."
well i have a list of people, places and things that can blow me.
"God" is at the top of the list followed by bob dylan and germs. and yet all three can collectively blow me in the wind. hey i just made that up! well part of it. bob dylan blowin' me in the wind isn't new. just combining the items of the list according to some common aspect. like the wind.
i don't have a problem with bob dylan or whatever his real name is - i mean isn't that the first bad sign? your name suddenly isn't good enough.
but okay he tried ... he fought the power ... until the victoria's secret people approached him. and you get the feeling he didn't really need the money he made from doing that heinous commercial - which was the only thing that ever made me pity some victoria's secret model.
but mainly ... my rockstar boyfriend loved bob dylan and i knew that since i didn't, he was going to be just *that* much more of a dick to me, for being so f'n stupid, so utterly female, that i did not love bob dylan. he makes love just like a woman but he blows me like a little girl.
beg me to blog again
wait. i'm not trying to strike up a conversation. i just want to talk.
i guess i just realized ... how much i do not want to be read.
i love gordon downie anyway.
well ... i'm all creeped out ... i want to write but ... ew. i feel like ... so gross. so like a 'zine. so like a poetry slam. so like an episode of simplemindedness to make us feel like our thoughts are important.
well i've taken a lot of shit just for wanting to write the shit down. people get all like "what makes you think we care about what you think?" and then you have to go "what makes you think that i give a fuck what you think?" and beg them not to read my shit but they can't help it. but i kept it all somewhere that i knew most normal people would never find. and i just realized maybe more people can see it than i thought but to hell with it. this is what i think regardless of what anyone else wants or likes or agrees with and i'm not letting anyone take it away from me.
it is the freedom to think ... that is the only thing i need more than love. well ... sometimes when you're in love, the pressure people put on you ... suddenly just thinking something means you don't fit so neatly in the place they've carved for you in their imaginations and ... it's hard.
but i think in some way, i'm so basically nice, that i can speak freely and ... trust myself even though i'm pissed a lot of the time, too.
in the other places i write, i can't keep the canadians from reading my shit (oh it's a long story i mean 9 years long since i angered canada and MAKE MY DAY YEAH SHOOT ME WITH A DONUT YA DRUNKEN BASTARDS!! ... only kidding i love canada ... the trailer park boys ... i went to prince edward island and everyone was cool in nova scotia but what the fuck happens to people when they move to toronto? i don't know but it makes them dog people in vancouver i mean even the GD canadians can't get along.)
WHY AM I HERE? why did i do this? partially i guess i knew a lot of the stuff out here had to be so f'n boring you'd want to scream bloody blogger. and that my shit ... might "stand out."
well i have a list of people, places and things that can blow me.
"God" is at the top of the list followed by bob dylan and germs. and yet all three can collectively blow me in the wind. hey i just made that up! well part of it. bob dylan blowin' me in the wind isn't new. just combining the items of the list according to some common aspect. like the wind.
i don't have a problem with bob dylan or whatever his real name is - i mean isn't that the first bad sign? your name suddenly isn't good enough.
but okay he tried ... he fought the power ... until the victoria's secret people approached him. and you get the feeling he didn't really need the money he made from doing that heinous commercial - which was the only thing that ever made me pity some victoria's secret model.
but mainly ... my rockstar boyfriend loved bob dylan and i knew that since i didn't, he was going to be just *that* much more of a dick to me, for being so f'n stupid, so utterly female, that i did not love bob dylan. he makes love just like a woman but he blows me like a little girl.
beg me to blog again
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